I think that Cracker Barrel has the best tasting vegetables in the world. I think they soak their carrots in maple syrup or something, but they are delicious -- stupendously delicious in comparison to other vegetables. Anytime a vegetable tastes kind of like a cinnamon roll, you know you're on the right track.
I started reading back that last paragraph, and begun to wonder if carrot was really a vegetable, or one of those foods that you think is a vegetable but is really a fruit, or vice versa. Like, I think a tomato is really a fruit or something. There are others like that, I'm sure. I don't really remember what the qualifications are to be classified as "fruit" and what it takes to be classified as "vegetable". Whatever. I hope I find out that something really tasty like a Zebra Cake is, indeed, a vegetable, and that I should be eating 4-6 of them a day....
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Clocks and pens
I've noticed that our house like five different clocks in it. This got me to thinking, "when have I ever purchased a clock?" I've can't remember any time that I have ever bought a clock, and I've never been given a clock as a gift, so that only leads me to one conclusion -- that over the course of my life, I have evidently stolen a handful of clocks.
We have a number of pens, too, but at least those usually tell you where you stole them from. It will have the name of the hotel or church or wherever written on the side of them. That's smart. It gives you a good indication of who has the right to bust into your house and steal their writing materials back from you.
Speaking of pens, I remember when my church back in Florida went to order a whole slew of new pens for the sanctuary. We wanted to have the church's name written on the side of the pens, and have the writing and the ink inside of the pen be the color "kelly green." Unfortunately, the stupid pen-making company didn't follow the directions very well, and we got a huge order of pens with the words "kelly green" written on the side. I thought it was kind of funny, but I guess it's not quite as funny when it's all written out. Whatever. This blog is free, so stop complaining...
We have a number of pens, too, but at least those usually tell you where you stole them from. It will have the name of the hotel or church or wherever written on the side of them. That's smart. It gives you a good indication of who has the right to bust into your house and steal their writing materials back from you.
Speaking of pens, I remember when my church back in Florida went to order a whole slew of new pens for the sanctuary. We wanted to have the church's name written on the side of the pens, and have the writing and the ink inside of the pen be the color "kelly green." Unfortunately, the stupid pen-making company didn't follow the directions very well, and we got a huge order of pens with the words "kelly green" written on the side. I thought it was kind of funny, but I guess it's not quite as funny when it's all written out. Whatever. This blog is free, so stop complaining...
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Magic Triangle and Mayonnaise Jars
I go to Wal-Mart a lot. There is always one nearby, and they have basically everything in the world one could want and/or need. Sometimes, I have to buy a whole bunch of stuff, but my favorite is the quick trips for one to three items. Anytime I buy exactly three items, I call this "The Magic Triangle." I always wonder to myself if anyone else in the history of Wal-Mart purchasing has bought these exact three items. Sure, when I have to get milk, bread, and eggs, I'm sure there's not a lot of "magic" there and tons of other patrons have built this specific triangle, but what about last night's purchase? The not-so-common baby carrots, contact solution, and Reese's Peanut Butter cups triangle? Maybe I'm the first ever....
On an unrelated note, I helped Brandi's grandmother move this weekend. It is very odd and slightly uncomfortable to be perusing through someone else's attic for several hours on end. It kind of ramps up the relationship to an artificial level, and I found myself making some negative comments to myself about the belongings that had been kept. I mean, who needs this many umbrellas and old mayonnaise jars? I started to become irritated, but then I realized that Brandi's grandmother would probably be confused by my attic "crap" too. There is a lot of old ethernet cables, piles of baby clothes, and an original Nintendo. I guess she'd rather have the old mayonnaise jars then play Legend of Zelda. Whatever.
On an unrelated note, I helped Brandi's grandmother move this weekend. It is very odd and slightly uncomfortable to be perusing through someone else's attic for several hours on end. It kind of ramps up the relationship to an artificial level, and I found myself making some negative comments to myself about the belongings that had been kept. I mean, who needs this many umbrellas and old mayonnaise jars? I started to become irritated, but then I realized that Brandi's grandmother would probably be confused by my attic "crap" too. There is a lot of old ethernet cables, piles of baby clothes, and an original Nintendo. I guess she'd rather have the old mayonnaise jars then play Legend of Zelda. Whatever.
Friday, February 20, 2009
"Like Father, Like Son".... "13 going on 30"....
Birthday time!
I’m turning 31, which really isn’t that big of a deal, until you starting thinking, “hey, I’m closer to 40 than I am to 20.” I’m closer to middle age than I am to my (not so) cool, hip college years. Yikes. When I was 16, I thought 20 was really old. And then I got to be 20, and I said no, 30 is really old. But now that I’m 31, I don’t know where the “old” line is drawn, but I think I’m close. I guess what defines to me that I’m old is this:
Anytime you see a movie where -- through a mysterious science experiment going wrong -- two people’s brains are transposed into each other bodies, there is usually one “younger” person and one “older person”. I am now at the point in life where I would no longer ever be the “younger” body person. I would always be the “older” body person. No one would pay 12 bucks to see my brain in a 50 year old body, but they might pony up the cash to see a movie where my brain is switched with a 15-year old….well, if it had a good supporting cast, I mean.
I’m turning 31, which really isn’t that big of a deal, until you starting thinking, “hey, I’m closer to 40 than I am to 20.” I’m closer to middle age than I am to my (not so) cool, hip college years. Yikes. When I was 16, I thought 20 was really old. And then I got to be 20, and I said no, 30 is really old. But now that I’m 31, I don’t know where the “old” line is drawn, but I think I’m close. I guess what defines to me that I’m old is this:
Anytime you see a movie where -- through a mysterious science experiment going wrong -- two people’s brains are transposed into each other bodies, there is usually one “younger” person and one “older person”. I am now at the point in life where I would no longer ever be the “younger” body person. I would always be the “older” body person. No one would pay 12 bucks to see my brain in a 50 year old body, but they might pony up the cash to see a movie where my brain is switched with a 15-year old….well, if it had a good supporting cast, I mean.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Postal service man is missing
Our work mailman didn't show up today. I guess the old saying, "Whether rain or sleet, or snow or whatever" doesn't include days when it's a little windy and kind of overcast. Lazy bum. Aren't there like substitute mailmen or something that step in when regular ol' smelly mailman decides not to come to work? sheesh.
Also, Brandi likes American Idol. I, however, do not. I don't like TV shows that drag things out for five weeks that could be completed in like two minutes. I was working on something else last night, but in the background, I could hear four or five of the contestants singing. I can already tell that none of them should win, but no, Fox wants you to keep tuning in so they can kick people off one by one. This is stupid.
I did decide, however, that next time I need to hire someone here at work, I will bring in all of the applicants and begin to whittle down the list "Reality Show Style". That means all the applicants have to stand in a line side by side, while I go down the list explaining the high points and low points of each individual before eliminating one with lots of unnecessary pauses... "Theresa, your.....typing skills were........ good, but you don't...........have......much work.......experience.......I'm sorry, you didn't make the staff. Please pack your calculator and leave the office immediately.
Also, Brandi likes American Idol. I, however, do not. I don't like TV shows that drag things out for five weeks that could be completed in like two minutes. I was working on something else last night, but in the background, I could hear four or five of the contestants singing. I can already tell that none of them should win, but no, Fox wants you to keep tuning in so they can kick people off one by one. This is stupid.
I did decide, however, that next time I need to hire someone here at work, I will bring in all of the applicants and begin to whittle down the list "Reality Show Style". That means all the applicants have to stand in a line side by side, while I go down the list explaining the high points and low points of each individual before eliminating one with lots of unnecessary pauses... "Theresa, your.....typing skills were........ good, but you don't...........have......much work.......experience.......I'm sorry, you didn't make the staff. Please pack your calculator and leave the office immediately.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Valentine's Day!
A couple of random thoughts...
My wife Brandi was slightly perturbed at me on Valentine's Day. Nothing major, but while we were getting ready to go to our church's Valentine's Day Banquet, I flipped on the TV and started watching "The Godfather". Evidently, she didn't think that "The Godfather" was an appropriate movie to set the mood for romance. Whatever. If it wasn't supposed to be watched on Valentine's Day, then why would the TV have it showing? Come on, Brandi, when has television ever been wrong?
Second, I have a couple pair of jeans that have been "in the rotation" for a few years now, and they are beginning to show a few signs of age. They aren't getting ratty or anything, they just look like jeans someone bought in 2005 instead of 2009. So now I'm faced with the ongoing battle of cheapness versus attempted coolness, and it appears that 31 is the age (for me at least) that cheapness finally defeats coolness once and for all. I am fully aware that a pair or two of my jeans are not awesomely fashionable anymore, but I'm now more cheap than I am concerned about being cool. I would have guessed that this would have been later for me -- 34, maybe 35 -- but who knew? Coolness, you put up a good fight, but in the end, cheap was too powerful.
My wife Brandi was slightly perturbed at me on Valentine's Day. Nothing major, but while we were getting ready to go to our church's Valentine's Day Banquet, I flipped on the TV and started watching "The Godfather". Evidently, she didn't think that "The Godfather" was an appropriate movie to set the mood for romance. Whatever. If it wasn't supposed to be watched on Valentine's Day, then why would the TV have it showing? Come on, Brandi, when has television ever been wrong?
Second, I have a couple pair of jeans that have been "in the rotation" for a few years now, and they are beginning to show a few signs of age. They aren't getting ratty or anything, they just look like jeans someone bought in 2005 instead of 2009. So now I'm faced with the ongoing battle of cheapness versus attempted coolness, and it appears that 31 is the age (for me at least) that cheapness finally defeats coolness once and for all. I am fully aware that a pair or two of my jeans are not awesomely fashionable anymore, but I'm now more cheap than I am concerned about being cool. I would have guessed that this would have been later for me -- 34, maybe 35 -- but who knew? Coolness, you put up a good fight, but in the end, cheap was too powerful.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Proof that the world needs money
I love craigslist. It’s like an online flea market where everyone in the world is trying to get rid of their crap in the hopes that some other sucker out there is in the market for the exact same crap. Yeah, certain things like cars and sporting tickets and furniture may be reasonable to put up for “bid”, but certain items (old underwear, Reader’s Digest from 10 years ago) really have no value and should just be discarded. No need to let the world know that you have trouble letting go….
My favorite section on craigslist is the “barter” category. This is for people who refuse to accept money back in return for their goods and services. No, they would rather participate in a pre-Mesopotamian system of exchanging goods to a second party who feels the exact same intrinsic value in the item of their furnishing. I know, that seems a little more complex, but whatever. So, for as an example, if you need math tutoring for your son, you may offer finger nail clippings of famous celebrities that have visited the salon where you are employed (an actual offer in craigslist). Or, you could offer to trade your fish aquarium for one of the following: (1) a Yorkshire terrier puppy, or (2) a hand gun. Yes, that one is real too! I think the guy who wants a puppy or a hand gun is not the guy I want to barter with right now. It sounds like he has some things to work on first…
My favorite section on craigslist is the “barter” category. This is for people who refuse to accept money back in return for their goods and services. No, they would rather participate in a pre-Mesopotamian system of exchanging goods to a second party who feels the exact same intrinsic value in the item of their furnishing. I know, that seems a little more complex, but whatever. So, for as an example, if you need math tutoring for your son, you may offer finger nail clippings of famous celebrities that have visited the salon where you are employed (an actual offer in craigslist). Or, you could offer to trade your fish aquarium for one of the following: (1) a Yorkshire terrier puppy, or (2) a hand gun. Yes, that one is real too! I think the guy who wants a puppy or a hand gun is not the guy I want to barter with right now. It sounds like he has some things to work on first…
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